hey thats my profile... ( how can i limit myself to 1200 words only)

i(lets excuse modesty for few moments)am a plain JAIN.
though jainism happnd to me only at the time of my birth.(keeps happening to me some times in a year), one important thing i learnt was to sympathize, though i have pretty less sympathy towards mankind."as i believe there are more people to help, then actually those in need, yet help doesn't reach many (ironical).and the mankind is responsible for most of its problems.
I sympathize with animals(not social)"i believe there would SOON be more people trying to help animals survive, THEN THE NUMBER OF ANIMALS ACTUALLY SURVIVING ON THE PLANET"
Im a simpleTON(yes TONS of simplicity)and extraordinary(yes there's some EXTRA ordinaryNESS in me).struggling to keep track with the pace of HI-society (those who say HI instead of namaste).
Life's been a cake walk. all my problems are selfcreated and confusions selfmade.im utterly selfcritical(to the point that I usually demotivate myself).
half the time i spend grappling with these selfmade problems.half on deciding what to do.half contemplating thoughts of looking better than what i am, being taller.half of the time deciding to do what i thought. half of the time thinking to change my way of thinking... adding all these halfs i have more than (2.5) ample time on my hands.and i just do nothing. (ardent supporter of living life as it comes, and hardly making any efforts).. and they say Indians are better thinkers than they doers... so finally...on the sunrise of 26th year of my life i decided i should do something.
i started to blog."as they say EASIER SAID THAN DONE" I say "easier thought than said". failures to me are order of the day(i am not happy with them, though they r still the best thing that happened to me).though i doubt whether i learn any thing, but atleast they are the testimony that i tried something. and i regret not trying enoug in my life. at the sunset of 26th year of mu life i finally decide that "RUNNING" can solve my problems(self created)& help me not becoming other's problem (instead solving their problems)... now easier said than done and easier thought than said.. i donot run instead i let my thougts RUN and i blog..i urge people to blog..not to bury their thoughts with them self.to make their ideas immortal.
can we believe (or this is what we believe) "Optimism is arrogance, ignorance and immaturity... pessimism is pragmatism". the more we know the more fearful we become, knowledge prevents from taking risks. to know the outcomes and then take risks is bravery (some may call it foolishness, but it all depends on the outcome), you have to be passionate, that burning desire... to die for some reason. once i do it that is the only and greatest achievement i'll have in my life.
i've made lots of friends in the journey till now, i feel i donot deserve. i m not worthy of (as inherently i donot hold any responsibility towards any one, i dont want to) and it will happen one day that destiny would shear away all my friends ( i wish i am lying.. as i've done no bad but done nothing good too). this is equally true for my siblings, relatives and PARENTS. a relationship means a HUMONGOUS responsibility to me. what matters to me is not even me (as i say i have no interests & passions).. may be another reason possibly is i donot want to transfer this STD (socially transferable disease) called pessimism (i am a bundle of negativity, even my blood group is B-ve).
my life is a struggle against my pessimism (and i am not interested.. ultimately the pessimism triumphs).. and i dont want other's to be tormented by this negativity.
and a sharp contrast.. i love to laugh and smile, which is often misunderstood as optimistic behaviour. of course its not split personality disorder (like i m not writing what i m writing HA HA) but may be just underserved blessings in form of a good family and good friends.
over and above that i expect miracles from my self.. every morning i wake up healthy n beautiful to change this world for better HA HA... but friends one thing that i know is that... i need a miracle ..... because a miracle is what it will take for me to join the ranks of so called average human race.