watt can i do if life happens to me
if its honesty, i honestly accept that i've never been honest
if its bravery, i boldy accept that i am coward
if its confidence, then i confidenly say "I CAN NOT DO IT"
but cant say, the world sees, and we care about the world all the more
though deep inside, its a wild un-controlled river of "PESSIMISM" that flows
i fake it, i am confident and damn i am good at that
its a guilt that will ever lie, that will never die
that i fake it, yes its all fake, that i laugh, i am good, i am happy
it usually takes over, then i say "I AM SORRY, I CAN NOT DO IT"
watt do i work for, if i have no desires no interests
i am not competitive, neither am i competing
nor i've joined any race, except the "HUMAN RACE" (so called)
every body around me is better than me
"i exist only because i exist"
it hurts though, i am flesh and blood, and the only thing i care for is my flesh and blood
i've never seen such "self centered" a being as me, nor will i ever see
i've no emotional attachements to nothing, nobody
and when i say no-body and nothing, i mean it
i hold no responsibility nor do i want to hold any
it may seem exaggerated, after all this, mentioned above, but i think too
in fact tooo much,
but the only thing i've thought the most about is me
every morning i hope something better out of me
every next morning i have to hope the same
if i started this life with -1, after all these years i am still there
if this is persistance, then i am consitently im-persistent
one "silver lining", i am very low on self confidence. and the most i expect out of me
so i dont bother people with expectations, yes i dont have any
as i said, i think a lot, all but myself, can write a SAGA of my under achievements
but i am a dog, emotions vapourise quickly, i forget
i forget wen i am beaten, hold grudge for a moment a few, the scars on the body may persist
i forget wen i am kicked, wen i am let down, wen i am embarrased, wen i am disgraced
i forget the failure, so i never win, as if winning is watt that never matters to me
as a child winning was fun, but as i depart from "-1" i begun from, it no more matters
i dont care,
if that is being unique, then yes i am,
though i remember wat people did good to me, because all i can see is quality in people (every body is better than me)
and then i compare, i want to rise, that disturbs my "-1" equilibrium
it makes my Lovely Life hell
after all i am flesh and blood, then i say "hey pal dont think a lot, stop thinking for a moment"
then i say "that's the most difficult thing to do and i like challenges as long as i am not involved" then i say "hey mate but that is life ... it is as natural as the breath u take, as natural as the food you eat"
then i say "hey freind, but why isn't it FUN any more, it is fast depleting, like dews vanish when the sun is around"
then i want to say "NO MORE, buddy, you are impossible"
why dont you just "GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE"
then i am honestly dishonest, i dont FOLLOW wat i SAY
every morning .. i want to be honest with the one i think the most "ME"
and follow wat I SAY
and "JUST GET ON WITH THE LIFE"
